The pillaging of my childhood

There are a bazillion other things that should be upsetting me more than some fine 80s nostalgia right now, but as I've spent the bulk of the summer watching commercials in between the Olympics and episodes of The Closer, I feel I must speak out. It was bound to happen eventually, but I can no longer stand the commercial bleeding of my childhood.

What the crap is wrong with the advertising world that feels it must take everything I hold dear (i.e. 80s music) and turn it into misdirected puffy-hearted mush (commercial background music)?? Without a doubt, car manufacturers are the WORST. They don't care who they hurt with their quest for consumer drivel. But for right now, let's take a look at three recent commericals that are killing me slowly with their songs:

Hershey's: "Melt with you." originally by Modern English (Sung by Nouvelle Vague)
This was one of the greatest and most iconic songs of the 80s. Did Modern English literally mean "I'll melt with you" when they sang that? That she was going to melt into a pile of liquid human and he would do so with her? NO, I don't so. So quit using it for chocolate and cheeseburger commercials. Forget the fact that it's a beloved 80s song, but that's ridiculously too literal.

World Wildlife Foundation: "Right here waiting for you" by Richard Marx
Um, are you freaking KIDDING ME? This was the soft pop answer to "With Or Without You" (No, I am not comparing Richard Marx to U2, so I don't want to hear about it.) This was the song that every broken hearted 13-17 year old dedicated to the person who recently broke up with them during the dedication hour of their local radio station. I'm sorry, but I don't get the relationship with that coming-of-age emotion and monkeys in cages. (ALSO, see: my friend Mary's genius rant on this)

And the worst offender of them all: J.C. Penny commercial: Blatant rip off of The Breakfast Club. 'Don't You Forget About Me.' Originally by Simple Minds (sung by New Found Glory)
This is 30 seconds of pure sacrilege. How low can you get? (Rhetorical question - I REALLY don't want to know that.) This is THE pinnacle of 80s teen angst movies and they reduce it to a J.C. Penny's commercial. It makes me want to cry and throw up a little at the same time.

I literally HAVE to turn off the TV when this comes on. I can't change the channel because it reminds me that somewhere else this commercial is playing AND I run into the additional threat of the commercial coming in on another channel. The thing must be stopped. I am personally now boycotting J.C. Penny. I haven't actually walked into one of their stores in years, but now it's for a greater purpose.

Won't you join me?